Lite Blizzardrelaterad forumhumor. :3

This artifact was recently unearthed in rural Albania. It is believed to be an internal employee
handbook circulated around the Blizzard operating centre.

Accessible - Easily understandable by people who have never played a game before ever.

Activision (the) - A paramilitary organization that we merged with a few years ago. They seem
nice, but we still aren't sure what the armored suits with the huge 'A' and skull logo are for. Or
why our interns keep vanishing.

Annual Pass - A jumbo patch slapped over the hull of WoW to prevent further subscription
leakage. Promising a free copy of D3 and access to the MoP beta, many fans only saw
'D3', 'free' and 'Beta' and jumped on board.

Andariel - We designed this boss to kill players who spent too much time staring at her
...assets to avoid her nova.

Asmodan - The Lord of Sin. We believe he is in charge of managing the microtransaction
department at present.

Baal - The Lord of Destruction. We put this guy in charge of the department working on
Boss Fatalities, the Mystic, Coloured Lighting, Runes as Items, Skill Trees, Day/Night changes,
dynamic weather and the 6th class. We stand by this decision.

Battlenet 2.0 - Disguised as a platform for which all of our games can be interconnected, it is
really a clever way for us to eliminate all forms of communication amongst our customers, lest
they conspire to ask for things like 'balance' or 'additional features'.

Beliel - The Lord of Lies. Currently employed as head of PR and marketting for Diablo 3.

Beta - Never has half an hour of game content caused so many people to go entirely apecrap.
We need to find a way to monetize this.

Beta Contest - Despite our 'random is fair' opt-in process, we believe that forcing players to
jump through hoops, sign up to social media they do not want and subscribe to gaming sites
they have never even heard of is a far better idea.

Beta Patch - A simple numerical increase with minor system twiddling purely to keep hype alive.
14 down, 28 to go!

Bobby Kotick - Currently believed to be the host of the prime evil Diablo. His coming marks the
start of the Funocalypse - the end of all fun on earth.

Customer - A four legged plant eating mammal that produces milk. Our goal is to extract the
maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.
Also see. Cattle.

Customization - Formerly referred to creating unique, fun characters through various schemes.
However, this required forethought and permanent choices - two traits that we deem our
customers are unable to possess. Thus, we have redefined "customization" to mean the singular
ability to buy gear from the auction house and have the customers' characters hold said gear.

Diablo - The Lord of Terror. Currently occupying the form of the Sovereign, Bobby Kotick.

Diablo 2 - A hilarious experiment designed for griefers, bots, scammers and hackers. Hopefully if
we give them this they will stay there and not bother the rest of our games.

Diablo 3 - A gothic ARPG themed Casino. However after removing transaction fees, the Activision
is concerned that Diablo 3 will not be profitable and are holding it back while they find some ways
to add Microtransactions to Boss Farming.

Duriel - No one knows how the real final boss of Diablo 2 snuck into act 2. His task was to frustrate
the living hell out of casters and ranged characters before they got their decent spells.
His full title is "Duriel: Lord of Pain in the @#!".

Forums (the) - These were designed to allow designers to feel like Greek gods, watching the misery
and consternation caused by every word they spoke. Currently they serve as a wastebin for feedback,
criticism and discussion so that we don't need to read it.

Inferno Mode - Our substitute for real endgame content. Players can enjoy running through the same
content they have just completed three times, only now with higher numbers!

Lan - A false memory implanted by our competitors. The Lan never existed in any form and evidence
to the contrary is part of an elaborate conspiracy. The technology just isn't there yet.

Loot - The centre of the gaming universe. These magical collections of pictures and numbers have in
the past inspired lawsuits, murders, divorce, brawls, real money transactions, oral favours and tons
and tons of QQ. It also follows laws of it's own that frequently differ from the laws of physics.
Adventurers are frequently shocked the first time they swat the mosquito which has just landed on their
ear and it proceeds to drop a three hundred kilogram battleaxe.

Mists of Pandaria - Our attempt to cash in on the Pokemon phenomenon and give WoW players a reason
to pay 40$. If we can twist the arms of people subscribed to the 1 Year Deal into doing the same, fantastic.

Oceania - Much like the Lan, this does not exist. Players claiming to be from here are an anomaly and
can be safely ignored for the purposes of Beta waves, maintenance times and server location. Why do
sheep need servers anyway?

Polishing - Still overhauling key systems and fixing serious bugs.
See: Almost Finished.

Release Date - A mythical creature often discussed but never seen in the wild.

Runes - A powerful skill customization system for Diablo 3 aimed at letting players specialize and level
how they wanted to. However the initial system was too complicated for Zarhym's Grandmother to
understand and so we tacked on an arbitrary level requirement to the runes and replaced the whole
thing with the skill system from WoW.

Starcraft - For some reason this became a national sport of a country. We are not quite sure how
to undo this. Even taking 50% of the profits from tournaments hasn't discouraged them, forcing us
to continue to balance and refine it. If you have any suggestions as to a replacement, please let
us know.

Soon - Sometime within the next 5 years, although it may be longer.

Titan - The Titan Project started as a successor to WoW. However under the Activision we believe
it has evolved into some kind of supersoldier experiment deep in the bowels of Blizzard HQ.
We generally supply one or two test subjects a week and let them get on with it. Please ignore the
screams.

Warcraft 3 - Where we get the majority of our World of Warcraft stories, engine and assets.

World of Warcraft - Our cash cow. For some reason we cannot quite understand not only will people
pay 15$ a month to keep playing this, they will also spend as much on a sparkly horse mount or a
server transfer. These days we primarily leave Jim and the new employees to keep an eye on things
while fishing.
Also see: Cash Machine.

Zarhym - Blue Poster in possession of a bad $#! Grandmother!

Zarhym's Grandmother - She showed up one day and Zarhym suggested we make her our lead game
tester for Diablo 3. We weren't sure...but she was such a nice old lady that we couldn't really say no.
Now Bobby says that all systems must be easily understood by her or simplified. We'll get on it once
we get her to stop feeding the mouse and attempting to plug her typewriter in.[left]